There was an error in your submission. All the music is performed by cover bands. I’m writing my book in fifth person, so 
every sentence starts out with: “I heard from this guy who told somebody ...”. A pig stands in front of an electric socket: “Oh no, who put you into that wall? I’m trying to get into classical 
music, but I can’t find any original recordings. The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); fictional character from the book series by A.
Rating: 3.0/5 (377 votes cast) share me! The best thing about good old days is that we were neither good nor old. Uh-oh! I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it. 3. Brains are an asset to the woman in love who's smart enough to hide 'em. 80. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. I have clean conscience. 56. The brain is wider than the sky.

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. It was an emotional wedding. Phone. 32. The bartender says, ‘Hey! Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves. Briddles is directed towards the peoples interested in riddles and brain teasers. I had to put my foot down. People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves. Enter these funny one-liners. Need to know ASAP. Alcohol is a good preservative for everything but brains. 66. The reception was fantastic. The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working when you get up in the morning, and doesn't stop until you get into office. My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I used to think I was indecisive. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. 81. 62. His brain is a half-inch layer of champagne poured over a bucket of Methodist near-beer. 85. 37. I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow. 74. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. The four most beautiful words in our common language: 
I told you so. 58. Sorry, comments are currently closed. So whether you enjoy texting funny one-liners to your best friend or can’t wait to test these out in public, here are the 101 best one-liners. A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. 30. That poem still holds up. I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right. 101. 97. The man who invented Velcro has died. I call it insta-gram. The best brain puns online, including hypothalamus puns, brains puns, thalamus puns, cortex puns, hemisphere puns and lobe puns. 21. 44. He was given two consecutive sentences. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it. It’s like my brain and my penis are locked in a chess match and I’m letting Him win. My father has schizophrenia, but he’s good people. Slow down. Things got a little tense.

I put my grandma on speed dial the other day.

77. Wow. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. 42 Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue Jokes! Manage your GDPR consents by clicking here. 79.

83. Been reading up on the 
thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage. 84. Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud. 42 Pizza Puns! 38. 28. I wrote a song about a tortilla. There is nothing more awkward than the moment you realize you’re getting a double-cheek kiss. He won’t expect it back.

41. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Your use of this website constitutes and manifests your acceptance of our User Agreement, Privacy Policy, Cookie Notification, and awareness of the California Privacy Rights. It’s that no one runs in your family. 43. Pollen is what happens when flowers can’t keep it in their plants. If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages? 50 Fun Family Thanksgiving Games to Play with Your Favorite Turkeys After the Feast, 50 Fun-Filled Thanksgiving Activities for Kids That’ll Make Turkey Day Even More Exciting, “Tuesday is Monday’s Ugly Sister” & 149 Other Funny Tuesday Quotes to Help You Get Through the Day, 200 Best Crock Pot Recipes and Easy Slow Cooker Dinner Ideas for the Family, 100+ Weight Watchers Recipes with WW Points to Help You Lose Weight, Which One of These 100 Diets Could Help You Lose Weight? I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming. 73. If there is a substitute for brains it has to be silence. The rotation of Earth really makes my day. I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any. Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop? If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now. 'Big Hair, Don't Care!' If people say they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and ask, To be clear, do you know how reading works? 57. Remains to be seen. Now his business is toast. 2. Here's Everything You Need to Know About Britt Stewart, Is Walmart Open on Christmas Day 2020? I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society. Nice shirt. If people say they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and ask, To be clear, do you know how reading works? I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected. I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!” Bonnie McFarlane, from You’re... Hallmark: “When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by a corporation.” Ritz crackers: “Tiny, edible plates.” CliffsNotes: “They’re still going to know you didn’t read the book.” Gillette:... Don’t get upset if I ask you 
where something is in Target when you choose to wear a red shirt and khakis to shop. The biggest laughs come from jokes that take little more than a sentence to deliver. He’s all right now. Even the cake was in tiers. 16. 39. 82. 89. It's not the end of the world. 27. Incorrect email or username/password combination. Refresh your page, login and try again. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

(Credit: 26. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Four fonts walk into a bar. No, I'm not fat. I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think. 51. 100 Best Dad Jokes175 Bad Jokes101 Corny Jokes200+ Jokes for Kids101 Bad Puns. Where are all these extra single socks coming from?!”. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. 71. They speak English and profanity. Please check your email to confirm your subscription. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me. . 50. I haven’t used it once until now. What if there were no hypothetical situations?


I don’t want to brag, but I do speak pig Latin; I mean, I’m not fluent, but I’m sure if I ever went there, I could get by. Recipes. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. If brains was lard, Jethro couldn't grease a pan.

49. 40. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing was gathering dust. 96. 93.
The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now. That way, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. 33. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? 98. I've just written a song about tortillas; actually, it’s more of a rap. 22. I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count. You are posting comments too quickly. Whoops! 35 Truly Amazing Dolly Parton Throwback Photos, The 26 Best Online Games to Play With Friends While Social Distancing. She hit the ceiling! A told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. And I’m really excited. Not only is it terrible, it’s also terrible. 69.

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